A Boring Day

The first time I slept with Jenny was when we were each twenty-seven years old. She was still a virgin for one reason or another and I was an unnaturally talented lover. Of course, I thought it would be good for her, and I figured, if she had gone this long without sex, her first sex might as well be a good one.

Now, Jenny and I have never been romantically involved. We’ve always liked each other, found each other attractive, but could never be together in any capacity beyond good friends. Usually one of us or the other would be seeing someone, or we’d live too far apart.

We knew each other since we were eighteen in college, and finally resigned ourselves to just  being friends at around twenty-three after college. I think that at some point, we joked that if she hadn’t found “The One” by age thirty, then I would give her a pity fuck.

So when she came to me at twenty-seven for the pity fuck, I was a little suprised.

“What?” I said.

“I need sex.” She look at me with a very serious face.

“What?” I said again.

“My biological clock is ticking. If I don’t find out what it’s like I think my head will explode.”

“What?” I was surprised, I guess.

“I’m serious!” She slapped my shoulder.

“I’m sorry, but this isn’t processing.” I laughed a little.

“Oh forget it.” She turned and began to stand up. I pulled her back down.

“Wait a minute.” I said. “This is a bigger deal than that.”

“It’s a very big deal.”

“I have to know. Why me?” My curiosity was quite strong, and I wasn’t sure I could do this without knowing.

“Because you’ve never been the kind of person to run away, and I don’t want you to leave if something goes wrong. I trust you. You are my friend, and I want to do this.”

“I never leave my friends.”

“Exactly. I don’t want our friendship to fizzle out after we bang, so I want you.”

That was the jist of it. We didn’t expect anything special, but we were friends, and we knew it would stay that way no matter what happened.

I couldn’t help but be mildly bothered by it all. I had never been asked for sex before outside of an established relationship, and I figured Jenny took a leap of faith on asking me. In fact, that trust she showed I think is what convinced me to go through with it.

It turned out to be not very awkward at all, contrary to my initial fears. We started out slow with a shower, and I tried to keep the mood comfortable by being casual about things, though I did get a raging boner before long (and she noticed.) but I joked about it and then we joked about boobs and asses. I could see her relax and we started getting more playful, started touching more.

Once we were in bed, it heated up quickly and I worked my magic hands all over her body. Then we had the actual sex once we were both warmed up and fully lubed (You should have seen her face when I pulled out my industrial sized Astroglide bottle.). I went very slow so she’d be comfortable and able to say no at any time.

When it was all said and done, we cuddled for several hours and just talked. Jenny told me she’d need a few days to process what had happened, but so far she liked it. I told her it only gets better after the first time, and five encounters are generally needed before it gets really comfortable and fun.

That was in the afternoon on a weekday, and I had Kung Fu practice that evening. I bid Jenny farewell and went to class.

I’m no Kung Fu beginner, but I’m no expert. I just go to learn and work out, but unfortunately, I’m in a class of beginners.

The problem with beginners in the Martial Arts is that it’s hard to have a newbie act as a good practice partner. What I mean is, if you’re trying to perfect a wrist lock, a good partner will generally allow you to practice on them and will give you feedback, and then you trade positions.

A crappy partner doesn’t work with you. They talk too much, try to show you “what they know” and don’t know how to move with someone. You try the wrist lock and you end up with your arm cranked around your back while your partner laughs about his cool move.

On this particular day I worked with Richard. He was pretty new, was dating a girl in the class, and was once in the military. He was probably a little younger than I, but I never asked.

At practice, he went all out on me from the first wrist lock to the last arm bar. He was generally being a dick. He had to always take the technique as far as he could, adding moves and not knowing when to stop. Often he would ignore Sifu Aaron to show me “some grappling.”

I barely got to practice anything in class that day because of how he took over, and my joints ached from all of the hyperextension.

I’m generally a level-headed individual and I don’t have much of a temper. I’ve been pushed to the edge a number of times but always been the better man. I don’t really know what came over me, but when Dick tried to “show me something,” I just had enough.

He threw a punch, and in two moves I had bruised the hell out of his right bicep and maneuvered his elbow into prime snapping territory.

“Rich,” I said plainly and clearly, “I am here to practice Kung Fu. I am paying to learn these skills. Not your skills. I’m not here to steal your girlfriend or to make you look bad in front of anyone.” He tried to struggle.

“Pay attention!” I said, tightening my hold. “Show me some respect, and let’s learn Kung Fu.”

I let go, easing him off of his knees, patting him on the back. I hadn’t realized that class had ceased and everyone was looking at us. Sifu was not particularly pleased, but he didn’t say anything other than, “Alright, let’s get back to practice!” Though he did separate Richard and I and put me with a better partner for the rest of the class.

Richard didn’t cause problems the rest of practice. He was very embarassed, and kept a low, red-faced profile. I caught his girlfriend’s eyes at one point, expecting a snobbish look of disapproval, but instead her face was rather blank. Her eyes were wide and nonjudgemental.

When I got home, I called Jenny. She asked if I was up for a movie, so she came over and we sat down and dozed to it, sitting closely together. We stumbled to bed together and fell asleep.

I dreamt of food. Fruit and roast turkey and cider with arrays of vegetables, steamed and raw, with dip.

When I awoke I had only slept for an hour, but I was incredibly hungry. I took a quick piss and sat down in the gloomy kitchen with some leftover pizza. It was cold and stiff, as refrigerated pizza should be, but it hardly compared to the food in my head.

I couldn’t complain though. It sated my appetite. When I lied back down, Jenny asked, “What’s wrong?” in a hazy dream-like way. It was cute and I said that everything was fine just before a flash of lighning lit up the room. Then it thundered.

“Is that thunder?” Jenny asked.

“Yeah, just a little.”

On the second roll of thunder, the rain started. I remember thinking about how cliche that was before I rolled over and put my arms around Jenny, hugging her as I fell asleep for the night.


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