Chapman

I think I wrote this in 8th grade. That was roughly 9 years ago.

Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh Chapman!

Cast of characters
Goodly Chapman – British investigator, has phony British accent.
Snivels – Chapman’s sidekick, picks nose constantly
Cun-ca-bawm – Evil villain, is paranoid
Mommy Dearest* – Snivels’ mother, on medication
Father Dearest* – Snivels’ father, he is a drunk
*Yes, Dearest is their last name. It’s humor, get it?

Narrator – London, 2005. Chapman and his sidekick, Snivels, are walking the streets of London when they look at Big Ben and notice it has stopped ticking! Can our heroes fix the problem and put Cun-ca-bawm in jail before suppertime?! I don’t think so! (Runs and jumps out of window screaming)

(Curtain opens and lights reveal Snivels and Goodly Chapman walking the streets of London)

Chapman – Isn’t it a good day for a walk, eh, Snivels?
Snivels – (With finger up nose) Yes, sir!
Chapman – (Stops suddenly and looks at Big Ben) What is this? Big Ben has stopped ticking! This must be the evil work of Cun-ca-bawm! Let’s go foil his evil plans!
Snivels – Hang on a sec. I got a big one. (Wiggles finger and puts farther up nose if possible) Wow! It’s huge! It lets me see music! Wow…(Faints)
Chapman – Snivels! Wake up! Wake up! (Slaps Snivels a few times)
Snivels – (Waking up) Stop that! Let me go tell Mommy and Father Dearest where we are going.

(Curtain closes. Opens to new props including living room and kitchen stuff like appliances and couches etc.)

Snivels – Father Dearest, Chapman and I are going to foil the plans of Cun-ca-bawm. He stopped Big Ben!
Father Dearest – (In drunken stupor) What did you say about my mother?
Snivels – (Looks at Chapman) I think it’s a better idea to ask mother.
Father Dearest – You take that back! (Attacks Chapman, but falls asleep on the way)
Snivels – Mother! Are you here?
Mother Dearest – Son, Yes!
Snivels – (To Chapman) She is on medication.
Mother Dearest – Son, yes it what is?
Snivels – We must foil the evil plans of Cun-ca-bawm!
Mother Dearest – Son back be supper before.
Snivels – Okay.

(Scene is changes to insides of Big Ben. Gears and motors around stage)

Narrator – It is here that Cun-ca-bawm is making his hideout.
Cun-ca-bawm – Who’s there? Who said that?
Narrator – (Clears throat) Um, I’m the Narrator. (Whisper) Play along.
Cun-ca-bawm – Well, stop watching me. I know what you’re up to.
Narrator – Uh, okay. Slowly Chapman and Snivels are making their way here.
Cun-ca-bawm – They are? Well then, it’s time to get my army ready. (Makes a high-pitched squeak) Come to me, my pretties! (About 10 oversized rat-people come out. Then out come Chapman and Snivels)
Cun-ca-bawm – Yes, Yes! Fight Chapman and Snivels! He he he!
Chapman and Snivels – Stop Cun-ca-bawm!
Cun-ca-bawm – No! I won’t stop! Not until every clock in the world is stopped. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Rat people attack!)

Doof! Biff! Dorf! Galupe! (Everyone throws fake punches until Chapman and Snivels are overwhelmed and tied up)

Cun-ca-bawm – Now for me to leave! It was nice knowing you! I have a bomb! (Evil sound effects)
Chapman – (Struggling) You can’t do that! Think of the children! Oh, please! Think of the children.
Cun-ca-bawm – (Evil laugh) Bye bye! (Begins to walk away when Mother and Father Dearest come on stage)
Mother Dearest – There right stop!
Father Dearest – Yeah! What she said…
Cun-ca-bawm – Huh?
Father Dearest – What did you say about my mother? (They get in an argument while Mother Dearest unties Chapman and Snivels)
Chapman – Thank you! Let’s save London!
Cun-ca-bawm – Attack! Rats! (More fake fighting) Hurry! (Cun-ca-bawm leaves stage, rats are beaten)
Snivels – We won! But, where is Cun-ca-bawm?
Chapman – Don’t worry Snivels. He got away. We will get him in the next episode!

(Everyone poses in stupid grins pointing to each other. Lights go out and curtain closes)

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One Response to Chapman

  1. nearandfarcomic says:

    Oooooooh man this is what we should film next!

    Hey, if you stop every clock in the world does time stop?

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